Co-Sleeping: The Most Natural Way to Sleep

There’s something deeply instinctual about sleeping close to the people we love, especially our children. Humans were designed to sleep with humans—especially little humans. As adults, we seek comfort in sleeping next to our partners. We like to feel their warmth, hear their breath, and reach out for them in the night. It makes us feel safe. And yet, when it comes to our babies—the most vulnerable among us—we’re told they should sleep alone, in a dark, separate room, away from the very people who bring them that same sense of safety. It’s a strange contradiction, one that goes against both biology and instinct. 

The Pressure to Sleep Apart

As a first-time mom, I’ve felt the pressure of society’s parenting norms in ways I never expected. Everyone seems to have an opinion on how babies should sleep—alone, in their own crib, learning to "self-soothe" from an early age. The message is clear: co-sleeping is something you shouldn’t do. 

But what if that doesn’t feel right? What if, instead of leaving my baby to sleep alone, every instinct in my body tells me to keep them close? It feels incredibly almost taboo to admit that I want my baby near me at night. As if choosing closeness is weak or indulgent, when in reality, it’s the most natural thing in the world. And yet, the pressure to conform can make me feel like I'm doing things the wrong way, even when I know deep down that my choice is rooted in love, connection, and instinct. 

Babies Aren’t Capable of Self-Soothing

One of the most common arguments against co-sleeping is, “Just let them cry, they need to learn to self-soothe.” But here’s the thing—babies that young aren’t actually capable of self-soothing. What they learn when they’re left to cry isn’t how to regulate their emotions—it’s how to shut down. They stop crying not because they’ve calmed themselves, but because they’ve given up hope that someone will come. 

Instead of feeling safe and comforted, they learn that their needs might not be met. That their cries don’t bring connection. That being alone is just something they have to accept. Babies aren’t manipulating us when they cry—they’re communicating a need. And when we respond, we aren’t spoiling them. We’re showing them that the world is a safe place, that love is consistent, that they can trust us. That’s not indulgence. That’s laying the foundation for emotional security that will carry them through life. 

The Natural Way to Sleep

For most of human history, and still today in many parts of the world, families sleep together. Look at indigenous cultures—co-sleeping isn’t just common, it’s the norm. Babies are kept close to their parents at night, nestled against warm bodies, reassured by familiar scents and steady breathing. It’s not just about convenience; it’s about survival, bonding, and emotional security. 

Even in Western societies, where independent sleep is encouraged, most children naturally gravitate toward their parents’ bed well into their early years. It’s only in the last century or so that we’ve normalized separating infants from their caregivers at night. Before that, sleeping close was simply how things were done—it was safer, warmer, and biologically appropriate. 

Why Co-Sleeping Feels Right

Science backs up what parents intuitively know: babies thrive when they’re close to their caregivers. Studies show that co-sleeping (when done safely) can regulate an infant’s breathing, body temperature, and heart rate. It promotes bonding, increases breastfeeding success, and reduces stress hormones in both parents and baby. And let’s be honest—sleeping apart doesn’t always work. The struggle of getting a baby to sleep alone, the endless rocking, the creeping out of the room only for them to wake minutes later—it’s exhausting. Many parents end up co-sleeping anyway, whether they planned to or not. 

Cultural Conditioning: Normalizing Disconnection

So why do we push independent sleep so early? A lot of it comes down to cultural beliefs rather than biological necessity. In many Western societies, independence is seen as something that should be fostered from infancy. And at its core, this conditioning is really about normalizing disconnection—teaching babies from an unnaturally young age that comfort and security should come from within, rather than from the presence of a loving caregiver. 

But real independence doesn’t come from forced separation. It comes from feeling secure enough to explore the world, knowing there’s a safe place to return to. Around the world, children sleep with their families well into preteen years, and no one questions their independence as they grow. They learn self-sufficiency not because they were left alone, but because they first felt deeply connected. The reality is, children will eventually want their own space. They won’t be in your bed forever. But while they’re small and vulnerable, while they still seek the comfort of a warm body beside them, co-sleeping is one of the most natural, loving things you can do. 

No Judgments—Every Family is Different

That being said, I have absolutely no judgment toward parents who don’t co-sleep. I truly believe every family should do what works best for them. Every child is different, every parent is different, and what works for one family might not work for another. The most important thing is that we feel confident in our choices, without shame or pressure from society telling us what we should do. 

Co-sleeping isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. But if you find yourself snuggling up with your little one at night, know that you’re not “creating bad habits” or doing something unnatural. You’re simply doing what humans have always done—what we were designed to do. 

So, if it works for you, embrace it. Because one day, those tiny feet tucked against your back at night will be running off to their own adventures, and your bed will feel just a little too big and empty.