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The way to my heart.

Exactly 7 years ago I posted this picture with the caption: open your heart, feel it all, it’s the only way. Honestly, I had no idea how to open my heart and how that feels.

At that time, I was in a toxic, codependent relationship and was feeling so lost. I had no idea who I was, just going from day to day, surviving my way through it. I found my escape in yoga. It became the way for me to get out of all the confusion and pain I was feeling.

Yoga took me out of my head and into my body and it gave me some sense of self again. Then, I heard a teacher say: through backbends, we crack the heart open. Well, that became my goal, to crack my heart open. I got on my mat 24/7 for a minimum of 4 hours a day. I became a very dedicated and strong yogi. I saw my body change, but I still didn’t love my body and my heart was still very closed.

Today when I saw the picture, the first thing that came to mind was: how is it possible that you were so insecure about yourself?

Because I was forcing it, I was not embodying it.

Over the years I learned that the heart needs softness to open. The heart needs to be embraced with gentleness and acceptance. And that is a long process. But I’m getting there, slowly, sitting on my mat, hands on my heart, feeling what is there. Observing what is present. Being curious about what is happening inside.

That is the way, to open the heart.

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